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See me and tell me what do you think of me.
Problemless? Happy? Got everything in the world? Perfect?

Honestly, no I'm not. I am nowhere near perfect. In fact I face much more problems than most of the people out there. Prefer to call them tests rather than problems, sounded more positive right?

It's true people say I have many that others don't have but they have what I don't have. Fair right?

Allah swt is fair and square. We will have kelebihan Dan kekurangan masing-masing.

"Behind my smile, is a story you would never understand."

I will be grateful for everything and every test from now on. I will not be grumpy and want everything in my own way. I'm tired actually, very very tired. I know all of these will teach me to be who I am supposed to be.

Oh yea, I will face all by myself because I know and I believe I can. I wont drag anyone to be by my side, but if they're willing why should I avoid. Anyway my tests are for me or else I need to face it over and over again until I pass. So mind letting me?

I'm on leave today to accompany my mama to hospital. She's a really strong lady, I swear. She's the greatest mama in the whole wide world to me. Thanks to her, if not the world wouldn't have this awesome person writing all these and giving impacts to people. Just kidding! Hahaha.

Have a great weekend ahead :)

Dead and gone

How shall I describe a situation where you seems to have everything yet you feel like you have nothing?

I am currently feeling that way but why is that so?

Why of all time, why is it now?

Too many questions in my mind right now! To be continued...

When Everything About ME Is YOU

2013 is the year I planned to start everything anew, my resolution for this year and guess what? I made to to almost two third of the year looking ahead. Pray for me to keep it up!

There are ups and downs especially in my career as I am just a beginner in working life. Just imagine I had never work before in my life and suddenly I am working now. Few places I had been rotation according to my scheduled FYDO program and lastly I am attaching with the OMFS (oral maxillofacial surgery) in HTAR (Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah) in Klang. To be exact only 800m from home!

A tough routine to be in with the oncalls, ward rounds, cancer patients and etc. Being oncall is the worst part ever where you have to be alert for 24 hours if being called. For me yesterday was the most hectic day ever with the fasting month going on, worked from 7am till 11pm nonstop. This coming Thursday would be another oncall, oh gosh why can't I be free from oncalls for a week at least? Nevermind it's my job and I will do it sincerely.

I think I am lucky enough to have you in my life. I know I did not expect your existence to be this important to me at first but somehow you are strong to keep up with me. I know I am unstable when I am in HTAR now but you never stop giving me the spirit to carry on. Yes, I will be you Panda forever and you will be my Pingu forever too. Thank you for meeting my parents. You made me proud of you when they can love you on the first meet up. I am happy with you.

A lesson for me from the mistakes I had done before. This time I will be more humble than previously, more matured I mean. Our memories will only stay with us and not shared publicly. I just want you to stay forever, fullstop. I don't know how to beat around the bushes and to talk hints so I am telling you straight. I can't imagine how I would be if I don't have you. I love my life now when you taught me to live positively.

When Everything About Me Is YOU!

Don't ever look back

"Don't ever look back"

Saw this on someone's status in Whatsapp, quite inspiring as it really hits me in the head. I admit I made mistakes and I try to correct it but I failed. I really want things back as usual but I have no idea on how to make it right. I would promise this time I will be more careful and never repeat it.

Nevermind I think I shall look forward, move on and keep walking. There is a quote I found and I like it so much that every time something holds me back, I would read it over and over again.

"If you can't fly then run,

If you can't run then walk,

If you can't walk then crawl,

You have to keep

MOVING FORWARD!"

*topic switch*

Today is my second day in Unit Restoratif, Klinik Pergigian Pandamaran. The surroundings may look antique with all the old furniture and machines but don't underestimate the staffs. They are super super awesome! I love being here. I don't mind if I were to be pulled to work here permanently. That is what being told by the specialist I am attaching to, I heard she will be transferred to Cheras and she wants me to go there? She said they have quarters for the staffs, something to be considered as this would be only time for me to spread my wings.

Today too an incident happened that is the clinic was flooded this morning due to the Primary Care staffs left the sink water not tighten. Here we have water problem, it seems that there is no water supply for a year but the water plays peek-a-boo where dental chair units has water. Strange isn't it? Due to the flood, the machines cannot be used to day so all the appointments were canceled so I can do what I want freely. So here come this post. I want to continue playing my Candy Crush Saga, see you around. Daa~

Uneasy

Tuesday, 14th of May 2013 had been a grey, dull, quiet, empty day for me as I myself don't know what is bothering me. I feel I need support perhaps someone could say everything will be OK and fine. What am I thinking?


Dear brain, please stop thinking. I don't want to be a hardthinker again, it is so hurtful to be so. Calm down and everything will be fine. If only my heart could listen, only if.


Mengapa hatiku sangat berat? Jarang sekali berasa begini, macam ada bad instinct tapi so far semua baik-baik saja. Sebak dan sayu sekali rasanya bagai ada perkara buruk akan berulang.


Wahai hati, jangan terlalu emosi nanti parah padahnya. Berbahagialah berpada-pada, nanti jatuh tersungkur tak dapat diselamatkan lagi sakit nanti.


I don't know what am I typing either, I just feel something is not right somewhere but I cannot figure it out what is it. Save me!

Di Sebalik Tirai Cinderella

Today my post will be in Bahasa Malaysia so just bare with it yea, inilah jadinya bila angin kus-kus datang hahaha.


Ini adalah tentang diriku, Cinderella walaupun tak seperti Cinderella mana pun, cuma bab CURFEW pukul 12 tengah malam sahaja yang membuatkan aku menjadi Cinderella. Kadang-kadang aku tak rasakan seperti kesayangan keluargaku, tindak tanduk mereka kadang-kadang menunjukkan aku seperti paling disayangi dalam keluarga. Pelik kan?


Seingat aku bila dah berumur xx sekarang ini aku dah boleh mengecapi kebebasan tetapi mengapa keadaan berubah sebaliknya? Aku juga ingin meluangkan masa lapangku bersama dengan kawan-kawan walaupun bukan setiap hari. Aku ingin menonton wayang, bercuti, bowling, membeli belah, karaoke dan sebagainya. Adakah sebab aku dikongkong maka aku mula ingin memberontak?


Ya Allah, hindarilah hati ini dari melakukan perkara yang tidak sepatutnya. Aku tak berniat ingin memberontak tetapi amat merimaskan jika menerima panggilan telefon bertubi-tubi walaupun jam belum menunjukkan detik 12 tengah malam dan yang terpenting aku belum melebihi waktu curfew Cinderella.


Aku sudah bekerja, boleh menjaga diri sendiri insyaAllah. Tolong layan aku dengan sewajarnya, niatku bukan ingin membantah cuma berikan sedikit kelonggaran dalam hidup pun sudah memadai. Aku faham jika mereka risaukan tentang diriku bila berada di luar meskipun keadaan dunia yang penuh pancaroba dan tidak seselamat seperti zaman dahulu kala.


Yelah jadi Cinderella jugalah aku sekarang, di manakah Putera yang akan datang menjemput Cinderella ini? Bolehlah aku mengecap nikmat dunia bersama Putera itu. Hidupku ibarat kartun Cinderella yang wujud di dunia nyata.


Sekian sahaja warkah aku pada kali ini, hingga berjumpa di lain hari. Wassalam =)

Happy Birthday my dearest friend =)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to Somebody

Happy birthday to you!

Happy belated 26th birthday my dear. I hope you had a blast on your birthday on the 2nd of May and I know you did. You have marvelous companies around you and I am happy to see you happy. Although I feel a little sad that I cannot see your updates from afar anymore but it is OK. Actually I don't know why I was being treated that way?

Anyway, all the best in life. You are one of a kind and I miss you super duper much. I miss your warm hugs, our memories and every single moment we spent together. Nothing much to say as I always pray for your happiness, never I forget about you. Allah bless you! Take care always my dearest friend.

Pingu

Now, I practically have only a few best friends that can be counted by fingerss. I had lost too many people that I love. I think this is a messenger from Allah for me to meet this lovely Pingu during my sad days. 

"Dear Aiman, if so happen you were to read this I would like to take this opportunity to say I really miss you and us. I am sorry for everything I did, I realized my mistakes. I need you, you are my strength and everything to me after my family. I want to story about so many things to you, imagine how much updates I wanted to tell you? I want you to meet my Pingu too and I feel you would let me be friends with him like what I am doing now. I wish you were here."

Back to my Pingu, about how we know each other and get close is just like other ordinary stories of people. We make friends, start chatting, exchange numbers, start meeting up, starting getting close and etc. He is just so realistic, correcting my imagination everytime LOL. So wise of him that he always make me think twice before doing anything. I am so comfortable with him, super good friend. He taught me how to live life in modesty, macam Sifu lah pula kan dia? A very positive person that always make me feel like asking him "Tak penat ke semua pun terima?" hehe =)

Surprisingly, I get good vibes from the people surrounding. The acceptance is different than before. Not bad because normally what I do or who I am being friends with will be opposed. It's a nice feeling though that finally what you are doing is kind of being blessed, can I put it that way? Then this strike an idea in my mind but I think I shall keep that in heart, time to blog in the heart hahaha. Ask me if you want to know the deeper secret *winks*

Want to see my Pingu? He made me smile when I don't really feel like smiling at all. Thank you for your presence, I love you Pingu lalala~

Oh yea, he asked me to perm my hair and here is the result. K-pop mode tadaa...

Perasan Korea sikit hahaha

 Mesti kena perli kalau muncooonggg!

On my farewell day

It so happen I always dream that you will be taken away from me. Please don't ask silly questions anymore especially "Macam mana kalau I tak ada?" I would say my heart will stop beating without you. Honestly!

4 months old Adam Dzulqarnain

This handsome baby came home last weekend. He made the house filled with joy and happiness!

  All of us will bully him, kiss him, bite his cheek and etc. Since he's the youngest in the family so everyone pays attention to him alone. How lucky!

1st birthday not as a student

2013, a year where I am being considered as an adult. Not really enjoying though because people tend to let you do things on your own with the so-called "Being independent". Hate it much! Of course I hate it, you know I super duper HATE changes.


Celebrated my 24th birthday in Hard Rock Hotel, Penang. Too bad no one else followed so only the three of us, parents and me. This also meant that no proper photos taken but it's ok because the memory will be with me forever. I met Missy Goh Yet Ching there, I spent a day with her.

Not to forget my birthday gift, awesome much?

Ford Fiesta Beta Limited Edition

Second celebration was by my bestest besties in the whole wide world. They succeeded in making it a surprise for me, thanks guys.

Dinner at Fish & Co.

Lastly a celebration at The Apartment KLCC, she gave me a treat. Thank you =)

Updates

In this post I'll be updating what I forgotten or lazy to write before this. We will start with my brother's engagement, wedding ceremony in Kuala Terengganu and Klang. I like to see my SIL, she is pretty and suits any color.

Engagement in Kuala Krai, Kelantan

Akad Nikah in Gong Badak, Kuala Terengganu

Wedding in Kuala Terengganu

Wedding in Klang, Selangor

That's all folks about my one and only beloved brother's wedding.

Pre-excitement! Lols

Yayness today is my last day of working for the week, I am so looking forward for tomorrow. Hopefully I will get a good news from Mummy's decision, I really hope to celebrate it with you and Daddy. Today had been enthusiastic where I do my job happily. Today is an outpatient day as usual so many patients and it seems today is extra than normal range which is 106 patients.


I feel awkward driving again after 3 weeks being car-less. I met with an accident 3 weeks ago and my car was badly damaged. A little phobic too, seriously phobia. I felt like everyone wants to come and kiss my car on the road hahaha to that extend. I shall stop here and let you have some suspense to be updated with my weekend stories. I am excited too, daa~

Countdown!

In a few days time I'll grow a year older that is being 24 years old. OMG I feel old for God sake! Sheesh! Anyway I am excited looking forward to the day as I'll be celebrating my birthday in Hard Rock Hotel Penang. An awesomely favourite place of mine.

My birthday had been falling during the study week for 4 years when I was studying but it happened that our semester was postponed for my final year and there is where I started to celebrate my birthday outside Selangor. Last year was in Pulau Langkawi and this year in Pulau Pinang, next year to which island? Any idea? Hehe =)


Actually I planned to celebrate it with my parents but I don't know what is the outcome as Mummy will be having her hospital appointment on that day. I wish they can make it, I really want my best day to be with them. But she told me to carry on with the plans although if she cannot go. Sobs~


I already have my back up plan and my friends from Penang will be spending time with me if Mummy and Daddy is not going. Oh ya I have another surprise, wait until the moment on the 2nd of February at 00.00am only I will reveal a surprise. Roger and out!


Memories from my visit to the Hard Rock Hotel Penang last month!

The entrance lights

Breakfast

 

Pillow!

 

At the balcony

 

Swimming pool

 

Penang bridge

09.12.2012

On this special day I got a new nephew. My sister in law gave birth to a baby boy and the given name is Adam Dzulqarnain. I like unique names although I don't have one. The latest photo of him, 1 month old :)

The smiling me =D

Environment & Society

Today my schedule was to see refer cases from the Pediatrics, unfortunately today too my assistant is on leave and I assisted myself. Beyond my expectations, so many cases refered. Anyway lets not talk about this as this is my job and I am happy with it :)


An incident happened where a small girl need some sort of treatment, I was walking from my room to the registration counter so I passed this walkway where patients wait for their turn in front of the room where their number is being called. A mother practically pulled her child's hair outside the consultation room just because her child was afraid and cried. Shameful!


Not everyone appreciate what they have appropriately, it is a norm to realize when things are way too late or gone. I had experienced it too but I could not regret as I was at fault. I wish I can turn back the time and not do what I had done. It's ok this is a part of the lessons in life. Happy Sunday!

Modest

Changing into a better person in life

Never story about yourself to others unless necessary

Don't boast around on what you have

Keeping any matters to ownself

Hold on to own principles

Appreciate true hearted people

Life is as easy as ABC when you are not a hardthinker :)

Life within the comfort zone

I am a spoilt brat and the most lovable in the family, Daddy's favourite but unfortunately not Mummy's. I am brought up in a family that is kind of perfect and I am grateful, Alhamdulillah. To some people this is a good fate and luck, to some people this creates envy and to some people it made them competitive. I am blessed with what I have, had and will have Insya Allah.


From young I got everything that I wanted, even until today. Yes people do say all this is because I still have Mummy and Daddy, so what? Does this mean I cannot get it if I struggle and strive to get it by myself? I don't know what are people thinking, want to say that I am taking advantage of my own parents? Any parents in this world will want to fulfill their children's wish and dream as much as they can! Only the differences are the capability, no offence.


Whatever it is, now I am trying to understand about life. Those days weren't life, they were introduction especially during the study days. The real life begins when you start working where you cannot control anybody, yes I admit I feel pissed when I cannot make 100 percent as what I want. At least I tried to make it 70 percent at least?


Before this, I always have the belief that I do not want to be a doctor because in movies that I watched there will surely be a storyline where a family who have a doctor will have another family member suffering from cancer. Disappointingly it happened in real life, I hate the rules so much! Is it a rule or fate as such? I would rather work as an average worker but everything else is just nice and smooth, what is the purpose being high level but then my heart ain't that calm.


Mummy was diagnosed having cancer in November 2012, undergone surgery the month after. But the side effect was much beyond the extend, I was speechless seriously. It's ok I'm glad now that I finished studying and have the strength to help Mummy in whichever aspect. Mummy, please be strong. I know you are strong, be strong like you always scolded me. I willing to be scolded if by scloding me can make you be strong, I don't mind.

"Ya Allah, sembuhkan Mama dan panjangkan umur Mama. Berikanlah Mama kesempatan untuk melihat anak bongsunya kahwin dan mempunyai cucu, berjaya dalam kerjayanya dan sambung belajar. Aamin"


I would say all this while until the day I started working, I never knew the meaning of life. I used to control everything, I always think I have the power to make people bow to me, I was a bad person before. Now I wanted to change by being a good and a bigger person in life, I can do it! If there is nobody with me, I know Allah is always with me no matter what. Best friends might come and go as well, not to mention if just friends especially friends for benefits. They are the first to leave you when you are down.


Kenapa emo masa lunch time hari ni? Haha :) Someone teached me to be humble, an average person who has a big heart. I learnt alot from this particular person, about Mummy. This person always support me whenever I feel I reached the limit and I can't go further but his words really make me still standing although I think I can't, he believed in me. Please don't let me go, I want you to be with me all the time.

 "Mucuk, jangan mengalah. Mama u perlukan u. I ada sini bersama macam Nobita yang sentiasa bersama Doraemon."


His experiences were worst than me so he knew how I felt, a part of it. God sends messengers to help His people when they are in trouble, to guide and not make them fall. I found one, thank you Allah. Now I will keep on living with good values in life, trying to improve day by day and be a proper Muslim one day Insya Allah. I will try!

Pre Pub Hol

Today, the 23rd of January that is a Wednesday before a public holiday of Prophet's birthday tomorrow on a Thursday and the laziest mood to work on Friday with additional holiday on Monday due to Thaipusam carry forward.


Too free, too bored, too empty, too cold, too lazy, too naughty, too happy and too etc etc. Patients who came is much lesser than those who missed the appointments. The internet here cannot open any social website except for before 8am, lunch time 1-2pm and after 5pm. The speed, to load a page you can go to the pantry and make a Milo then come back. I think only three quater loading done, slower than a tortoise.


I wonder why Blogspot isn't blocked? Not a social website? At least there is a source of entertainment for me when boredom strikes haha :) Normally I will go home during lunch hour to have meals at home but since I met with an accident on the 11th of January, I feel like I am leg-less to go out from the clinic so for this 2 weeks and still counting I had lunch, having and will have lunch in the clinic until the day I got my car ready from the workshop.


Anyways, there will be a huge surprise from every aspect of my lfie. Just wait till next week, the secret will be revealed. Tadaa~

Attitude - Life - Rules

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

Sometimes doing what is hardest for you to do, and doing what is best, is the same exact thing. If we ever desire to live a righteous life, we have to be willing to sometimes not speak our mind when we know we can prove a point. It may mean saying goodbye to a person in your life that you never thought you would have to be without. Doing the right thing may mean that you have to go against the majority or popular opinion to stand up for what you feel in your heart you should stand up for. 


Doing the easiest thing is not always what will be most beneficial to you. Many times we have to challenge our beliefs, our practices, and ourselves to see how we can really grow. So make the extra effort, and ask yourself about the situations that you encounter daily, in a new focus. Don't look to do only what is easiest for yourself; focus on doing what is right.

Working Life

The transition between study life and working life is a major turning point, this is when you cannot be childish or playful that much as before. Everything need some seriousness, I kind of stressed up with this situation but the I have to get used to it. Imagine will be working until I am 60 years old (ikut umur pencen la ni), 37 years of experience will be gained. Banyak kan?

I remembered a dialog with my Senior Dental Officer (SDO) on the day i lapor diri.

SDO: *... bla bla bla (all about the working terms and condition etc.) bla bla bla...* Ni kamu pencen umur 60 ye, kene kerja elok-elok tau.
Me: Doktor, saya start kerja muda setahun dari orang lain boleh tak kalau saya dapat pencen setahun lebih awal?
SDO: Apa salahnya buat pahala lebih setahun dari orang lain :)
Me: =.=' *sweat*


Before working, there's a course called Induksi need to be attend. I would say this is a brainwash for the gradutes about government such as whatever you do please get the appropriate pay or leave replacement or whatsoever-called. Good though, I see the logic there. We pay a lot of tax so why not get back what's given when you already served the country, right?


Back to the story, I attended the Induksi held at City Villa Hotel at the Chowkitt area. Of all places why there? Okay, nak merayap pun takut sebab sebelah dengan Lorong Haji Taib. Four days and three nights there, an awesome experience. I love it, get to know lots of new friends.


Officially started working on the 12th of November 2012 and I would remember it for the lifetime, I will. Lucky me that I got posted all around my house. I am super duper lucky, anyways I will take this advantage to repay my parents with good deed and taking care of them. They are my life, love them to bits. I think I will stop here, wait for my next post about left out posts for Memoirs of 2012. Keep waiting!