Dead and gone

How shall I describe a situation where you seems to have everything yet you feel like you have nothing?

I am currently feeling that way but why is that so?

Why of all time, why is it now?

Too many questions in my mind right now! To be continued...

When Everything About ME Is YOU

2013 is the year I planned to start everything anew, my resolution for this year and guess what? I made to to almost two third of the year looking ahead. Pray for me to keep it up!

There are ups and downs especially in my career as I am just a beginner in working life. Just imagine I had never work before in my life and suddenly I am working now. Few places I had been rotation according to my scheduled FYDO program and lastly I am attaching with the OMFS (oral maxillofacial surgery) in HTAR (Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah) in Klang. To be exact only 800m from home!

A tough routine to be in with the oncalls, ward rounds, cancer patients and etc. Being oncall is the worst part ever where you have to be alert for 24 hours if being called. For me yesterday was the most hectic day ever with the fasting month going on, worked from 7am till 11pm nonstop. This coming Thursday would be another oncall, oh gosh why can't I be free from oncalls for a week at least? Nevermind it's my job and I will do it sincerely.

I think I am lucky enough to have you in my life. I know I did not expect your existence to be this important to me at first but somehow you are strong to keep up with me. I know I am unstable when I am in HTAR now but you never stop giving me the spirit to carry on. Yes, I will be you Panda forever and you will be my Pingu forever too. Thank you for meeting my parents. You made me proud of you when they can love you on the first meet up. I am happy with you.

A lesson for me from the mistakes I had done before. This time I will be more humble than previously, more matured I mean. Our memories will only stay with us and not shared publicly. I just want you to stay forever, fullstop. I don't know how to beat around the bushes and to talk hints so I am telling you straight. I can't imagine how I would be if I don't have you. I love my life now when you taught me to live positively.

When Everything About Me Is YOU!

Don't ever look back

"Don't ever look back"

Saw this on someone's status in Whatsapp, quite inspiring as it really hits me in the head. I admit I made mistakes and I try to correct it but I failed. I really want things back as usual but I have no idea on how to make it right. I would promise this time I will be more careful and never repeat it.

Nevermind I think I shall look forward, move on and keep walking. There is a quote I found and I like it so much that every time something holds me back, I would read it over and over again.

"If you can't fly then run,

If you can't run then walk,

If you can't walk then crawl,

You have to keep

MOVING FORWARD!"

*topic switch*

Today is my second day in Unit Restoratif, Klinik Pergigian Pandamaran. The surroundings may look antique with all the old furniture and machines but don't underestimate the staffs. They are super super awesome! I love being here. I don't mind if I were to be pulled to work here permanently. That is what being told by the specialist I am attaching to, I heard she will be transferred to Cheras and she wants me to go there? She said they have quarters for the staffs, something to be considered as this would be only time for me to spread my wings.

Today too an incident happened that is the clinic was flooded this morning due to the Primary Care staffs left the sink water not tighten. Here we have water problem, it seems that there is no water supply for a year but the water plays peek-a-boo where dental chair units has water. Strange isn't it? Due to the flood, the machines cannot be used to day so all the appointments were canceled so I can do what I want freely. So here come this post. I want to continue playing my Candy Crush Saga, see you around. Daa~

Uneasy

Tuesday, 14th of May 2013 had been a grey, dull, quiet, empty day for me as I myself don't know what is bothering me. I feel I need support perhaps someone could say everything will be OK and fine. What am I thinking?


Dear brain, please stop thinking. I don't want to be a hardthinker again, it is so hurtful to be so. Calm down and everything will be fine. If only my heart could listen, only if.


Mengapa hatiku sangat berat? Jarang sekali berasa begini, macam ada bad instinct tapi so far semua baik-baik saja. Sebak dan sayu sekali rasanya bagai ada perkara buruk akan berulang.


Wahai hati, jangan terlalu emosi nanti parah padahnya. Berbahagialah berpada-pada, nanti jatuh tersungkur tak dapat diselamatkan lagi sakit nanti.


I don't know what am I typing either, I just feel something is not right somewhere but I cannot figure it out what is it. Save me!

Di Sebalik Tirai Cinderella

Today my post will be in Bahasa Malaysia so just bare with it yea, inilah jadinya bila angin kus-kus datang hahaha.


Ini adalah tentang diriku, Cinderella walaupun tak seperti Cinderella mana pun, cuma bab CURFEW pukul 12 tengah malam sahaja yang membuatkan aku menjadi Cinderella. Kadang-kadang aku tak rasakan seperti kesayangan keluargaku, tindak tanduk mereka kadang-kadang menunjukkan aku seperti paling disayangi dalam keluarga. Pelik kan?


Seingat aku bila dah berumur xx sekarang ini aku dah boleh mengecapi kebebasan tetapi mengapa keadaan berubah sebaliknya? Aku juga ingin meluangkan masa lapangku bersama dengan kawan-kawan walaupun bukan setiap hari. Aku ingin menonton wayang, bercuti, bowling, membeli belah, karaoke dan sebagainya. Adakah sebab aku dikongkong maka aku mula ingin memberontak?


Ya Allah, hindarilah hati ini dari melakukan perkara yang tidak sepatutnya. Aku tak berniat ingin memberontak tetapi amat merimaskan jika menerima panggilan telefon bertubi-tubi walaupun jam belum menunjukkan detik 12 tengah malam dan yang terpenting aku belum melebihi waktu curfew Cinderella.


Aku sudah bekerja, boleh menjaga diri sendiri insyaAllah. Tolong layan aku dengan sewajarnya, niatku bukan ingin membantah cuma berikan sedikit kelonggaran dalam hidup pun sudah memadai. Aku faham jika mereka risaukan tentang diriku bila berada di luar meskipun keadaan dunia yang penuh pancaroba dan tidak seselamat seperti zaman dahulu kala.


Yelah jadi Cinderella jugalah aku sekarang, di manakah Putera yang akan datang menjemput Cinderella ini? Bolehlah aku mengecap nikmat dunia bersama Putera itu. Hidupku ibarat kartun Cinderella yang wujud di dunia nyata.


Sekian sahaja warkah aku pada kali ini, hingga berjumpa di lain hari. Wassalam =)